IdiosyncraTricia

I think one of the hardest parts of growing up is realizing that not all that is broken can be fixed. It’s something I’m still struggling/grappling (forever 12th grade) with.. 

The dying optimist in me still fights this real-world cynicism. Still faintly believing that if you put in the effort.. if you put in the time.. faulting people for situations:
-they’re being lazy
-half-hearted
-don’t want it enough
-the list goes on and on…

But I find the growing cynicism in me telling this part of me to grow-up. You can point fingers, look to blame and find reasons/excuses.. but life is what it is.  And what it is is simply that not all that is broken can be fixed.

And this very realization hurts every part of my being -struggling to find beauty in what is broken.

A GChat Excerpt

judy: Btw did I tell you zach said You should get. Married b4 30? I tjink I did

me: LOLOLOL
no
why did he say that

judy: Cuz u will be too old to have a baby if u r older tham 30
It wasn’t me who fed the idea.
Besides he think women over 30 are old and ugly 
Ans he said marry [****]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hope he still thinks I’m pretty in about 5 years! 

Good-bye my friend.
April 13, 2012

A letter from John Steinbeck to his son:

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

In my lustful haze I totally forgot J.Lin is a year younger.

I don’t do younger. 

I might have to rethink this…

I really really really didn’t want to jump on the Jeremy Lin bandwagon but.. I’ve loved how after every game he credits his teammates and emphasizes that the sport is a team sport and it’s team effort/dynamic that leads to victory. And after reading that he turned down the cover of GQ magazine so that he would not milk the fame and cast his teammates out of the spotlight.. I’ve melted in a big fat puddle of mush.

And then after this painfully awkward video: http://youtu.be/-9yVnKQNj58
and watching his “bloopers” I’m honestly almost ready to drop my life and stalk him. 

My “am I attracted” response has usually been based on a simple yes or no scale of “would I have their babies?” 

For the dum-dums, here are examples:
John Legend- Yes, I would have his babies
Nicolas Cage- NO, I would NOT have his babies 

Jeremy Lin, I want to have ONLY your babies. (For now.. Sorry, I can be fickle. Let’s keep it real.)

In case I ever do have the chance to meet him.. I pray you never find my Tumblr. 

P.S. I hope to have my eyebrows fixed by then.  

Be cautious but don’t stay jaded.

I’ll be honest. I don’t think I’m ugly. And I don’t think I’m hot shit. I believe I fall somewhere inbetween around average and maybe on my good days when I’m feeling all bossy and shit- a bit above. 

And there’s nothing make-up can’t seem to fix. Got a zit? Sprinkle some foundation on. Massive zit? Slather on concealer and then sprinkle some foundation. Swollen face? Some blush and liner and bada bing bada boom.. But there is one thing for me that I can’t seem to fix: my eyebrows.

I don’t always remember having a problem with my eyebrows until I think around prom time during high school. I went to go get them threaded and I looked in the mirror and I remember thinking “Holy shit! Why is the other one an inch above the other?!” And then I smiled awkwardly, gave the lady a tip and left. I may have always had these retarded eyebrows and never realized (aka self-denial) up until I could no longer run away from that face looking back at me from the mirror.. or maybe that lady just screwed me up for life. I honestly like to blame her.

Anyways, there is a point to that tangent (no there isn’t). I recently have been trying to grow my eyebrows out in hopes that I could reshape them and not look so wonk-eyed and I was sick of having gangster bitch eyebrows from my last eyebrow shaping session. But when I could no longer stand the unruly caterpillars taking residence on my face, I went to go see a supposed eyebrow guru. GURU MY ASS!

I tried to use the pencil to better illustrate my point but I dunno.. Anyways, the eyebrow facing your right is significantly higher than the other. And trust me, this can make for some heinous ass photos where I look like some batshit crazy person who escaped from the insane asylum (which may not be too far off from the truth).

Do any of you ladies have some suggestions? Can some come fix this? I’d also like to note that once again I’m stuck with having thin mother eff’ eyebrows.. AGAIN! Gaddamit.

I’m starting to wonder if this eyebrow thing has to do with the fact I have no control over my facial muscles. The only thing I can pretty much do is wink with my left eye- and I never NEVER look like those cute ass girls winking all seductively and shit. I actually recorded a video to show you, but I dunno how to upload so OH WELL! Instead, I leave you with these:

*I also cannot cross my eyes. That pencil is completely necessary.

*How’d you like to wake up to this face erry morning? Don’t all raise your hands at once. 

*I’m also not an “eye-smiler.”

*This really is how I feel 98% of the time after brushing my teef.

P.S. Finally painted my other hand! Almost woman?

Th-th-that’s all folks!

That nobody cares about. But my blog so IDGAF.

1. I have a million conversations in my head throughout the day. With myself.. this is pretty much a snapshot of what goes through my mind on any given day. It’s not crazy.. really..

2. I hate HATE hate when people don’t wear deodorant. Let me rephrase that- STINKY people who don’t wear deodorant. It’s like really, c’mon you don’t smell that stank? That stank that is you? Ironically, I usually don’t wear deodorant because I don’t normally smell. This is not a theory, this is tried and true. As in, I’ve gone to the gym, worked up a shower storm of my own sweat and have had someone smell me. The conclusion was that I smelled like “nothing.”

3. I’m a surf and turf girl. Few things are better than cow and seafood. If you want to impress me, don’t make me chicken. BTW I like my steak medium rare- more rare than medium. Thanks.

4. The past two days I’ve been listening to boy bands. Go ahead. Judge me. I’m waiting for *N Sync to have a reunion concert. 

5. I like to hold hands when I sleep. When I’m sleeping by myself, most of the time I’m holding my own hand.. or my dog’s if he’ll let me..

6. I realized I have a lot of strange and/or horrible habits. I’ve been really working on trying to tame them- if not break them. And for all the love of all things good.. not make any new ones.

7. A friend made a couple of my new year resolutions for me. One was to be more lady like. Currently I have one hand painted- I feel like that counts as halfway there.

8. Steak tartare.

9. I hate the bad boy mentality but GADDAMN that bad boy swag.. mmm..

10. I enjoy diff kinds of music. I wouldn’t call myself a music snob but I just enjoy. Yanno? From House (up until recently I could only tolerate) to country (I LOVE country).. but I think I’ll always be a Hip-Hop & R&B girl at heart. And on that note: